Vultology, Depression & the Flat Affect

With their permission, here are some members that have gone through depression/illness who're volunteering their photos during that time period for them, and now. If you'd like to share your own, please feel free.

Alerith


Erifrail

This is a very fascinating topic to me! I myself, have battled mental illness over the last 20 years. I have chronic depression, panic attacks, and severe social anxiety. I am curious how these affect my vultology as well, because my husband swears I am high Te, and not Se. My son is autism spectrum, and I have noticed a dullness in his eyes at times as well. Thanks for posting your own examples above, it really makes a visual point here.

I have another example of an FeSi with the same sort of psychology as you've described.

It's funny that Alex Jones is the example you've brought up to demonstrate neuroticism in this type. My mother was FeSi-Si with paranoid schizophrenia, and she was absolutely obsessed with Alex Jones. Every time I'd go to her house, she had him turned up really loud on the radio, and would record and re-listen to all of his shows. One of the last things she told me was that she thought Alex was her soulmate, and that they were fighting the anti-christ together via a telepathic connection. She also had found an old out of service email, and sent tons of 'research' that she thought he was using in his shows. If he has the same kind of psychology as she did, that might explain why she identified with him so much.

From what I see of Alex's vultology/behavior, I think he probably does have some sort of delusional disorder. Especially in that first video, he's creep-tastically like my mother in so many ways D: Same type of incoherent thought process which assumes knowledge of extreme motive concerning other's behavior, flat affect and emotional tension, the condemning tone, parodies imbued with disgust, even the same exact gestures: the squinty, sneering look @ 0:56, quick head nods @ 1:00, the flat lipped expression @ 1:09, the angry, shaky expression @ 1:21.. etc.

Here are some pictures of my mother:



You can see the same sort of flat affect and heavy/disturbed demeanor as seen in Alex.

She (like Alex) very much blamed the government and other powers-that-be for all the world's problems. She thought of herself as a sort of social justice warrior, and saw the whole broad dynamic of politics and world events as a good vs evil narrative. She was always very angry and would lash out at anyone who disagreed with her views in over reactive, inappropriate ways. She was also quite paranoid, and believed that because she was at the center of the defense against evil, the government was constantly spying on her and would send agents to kidnap her. I think for her, type 8+6 enneagram makes sense, but it seems like the 8 behavior was a defensive reaction to the fear of 6.

Whoa! Lots of talk about Enneagram around here lately! Confusing.

I agree with what you say about the way the Big Five handles "Neuroticism." I know growing up I definitely saw the world as you have described it (thank you, Mom, for being hypervigilant and as you say, "a middle child" who taught me how unfair and rotten people are) and would consider myself as unfortunately ranking high in neuroticism on the Big Five. 

I remember looking in the mirror at about three years old and being really disappointed by my flat affect. I didn't have a term for it (thought that is the term I presently use), but I knew I didn't have the engagement other children had. I was surprised by my face because I think felt differently inside. I felt more beautiful and alive, I thought, than I looked. 

I've never enjoyed Robin Williams movies. He has always made me really uncomfortable. When I saw "Dead Poets Society," I felt like that's who he wanted to be. When I saw "One Hour Photo," I felt like that's who he felt like he was at times, an outsider and dreamer looking in. I know another person who also couldn't watch his films without feeling really depressed.

Actually, when I first a video of yours (4-5 years ago?), you reminded me of my younger self! Not the way I see myself in my mind's eye, but what I've seen in videos. But my voice is flatter than yours, and I have a harder time searching for words. In my mind, I am much, much more Je.

Not sure if my soul hesitates, but I feel like when I share, it comes off as being super clinical. I will tell you what I feel, but I will rarely show it. It's almost like I'm unable to process my own emotions in real time with other people. I can pick up other people's emotions, but I feel I am most empathetic when I'm alone to process things. And I am deeply empathetic; this is according to others, too, not just me. 

Before I found CT, I wondered if some high Fe people have an antagonistic relationship with their Fe. I saw that in a friend (who swore she wasn't a people pleaser...). I am aware of social expectations, though I don't think I always was. I see other people bend more easily to them and/or ignore them without consequence. I, on the other hand, feel a bit more rebellious and then inevitably anxious. 

What I first notice about people is their worldview. Since I was a young child, I was very, very keen on picking up others' world views and their inconsistencies, and it puzzled me that others didn't pay attention to that. I also sense people's inner motivations. It's likewise shocking that others can't see when someone is totally selfish. There is usually mutual awkwardness around high Te types. I suspect they sort of pity me and that I make them uncomfortable with my self-disclosure. However, it's really fun when they open up. It's sort of a personal mission of mine to de-stigmatize humanity. That's why I self-disclose: It's not about me but about the larger world. And I love showing people things about themselves they have never seen or considered. Those are two really strong motivating forces in my life, normalizing being human and seeing people's unique talents. 

Interestingly, I used to be uncomfortable around high Ti types, like nothing escapes their aesthetic critique.

I used to think I was. I couldn't decide between Ti of Fi. That's why I stalked this thread. Maybe I'm just Fi with flat affect? It's either unseely Fi or bitter Fe for me. But Fi is more private, I think, and I definitely want more to affect ethical change in the world (Fe?). But at the same time, I don't like doing it from the outside because I wonder what the point is if the heart remains unchanged.

Also, I'm willfully ignorant of social conventions. Like I'm very aware that they are there, and I can get pretty angry at having to obey them and feeling like I"m being judged by them. I think Fi can probably shrug them off better, no? I also think women feel especially pressured to play by the rules with birthdays, etc.

A counselor asked me when I was 21 if I was thinker or feeler. I immediately thought of MBTI and how I felt dizzy. I said I didn't know. She said I must feel dizzy from being top heavy. I laughed so hard (on the inside, of course) because she completely got it.

Thanks teatime , for your heartfelt sentiment ^^;

Yes, you know underneath it all she desired to love and be loved SO much.. she was Fe-lead after all <3 And I know she tried to do the best for me. If anything, I think she ended up loving me too much! or at least more than she was capable of expressing in a healthy way.

It saddens me that the fear she felt twisted and blockaded her passionate reach for acceptance. I tried for so many years to encourage her to work through that fear. But it was so frustrating and disheartening, as she only became more entrapped by it over time I think though, at the end, she finally came to some degree of reconciliation with herself. A few weeks before she died, she told me she felt less afraid, and that for the first time in her life, felt a deep peace in her heart.

I think, I'm thankful to her in a way. Despite the regretful pain and loss her illness caused, in the long run she's ended up being an inspiration for me to understand and heal people like her.