The Experience of Polar Ti

I appreciate these tidbits.

I've studied cognitive types for quite a while, and spent the last week scouting every corner of this forum.  I have been leaning FeNi for myself, but one thing throwing me off was the title "Articulator" and the refined, convincing speech patterns of FeNi people, like Peterson and Oprah.  I wondered if that could possibly apply to me, when my 'detailed accuracy' leaves much to be desired.  I can be sloppy, just saying whatever comes out, and needing to hear myself explain something aloud before actually making sense of it.  I tend to spew my view aloud and revise it later, though I do sense that it comes from deep conviction, rather than being 'improvised in the moment' or 'repeating something I heard before,' the way Pe is described.  I certainly think I believe what I'm saying, but as Peterson explained, the critic comes out immediately afterward, telling me I didn't QUITE express it adequately. Then, if I'm smart I shut up, but sometimes I stupidly continue talking, trying to clarify, which never ends well.  This is also why I've been editing my fiction book for several years (which made me question if I was really Ji lead). I have sometimes fantasized that one day, I will just stop talking and learn to think about what I'm saying more carefully.. and then my words will be more exact. Perhaps he will inspire me to take this step.

To add to this, Peterson's second video was extremely relatable. I was a trauma survivor in my late teens, and following that I was overcome with apocalyptic nightmares. In college I became obsessed with understanding how and why Hitler rose to power and what allowed him to infuse himself into the public consciousness so quickly, and also, reading Jung.  I did not know about cognitive types until many years later, but I scoured much of his other work and tried to gain control of my own mind. I used LSD and other means to teach myself how to take control over what I would dream, change my dreams, wake up from bad dreams, and go back to sleep to continue dreams.  I also took it upon myself to NOT use those skills at times, so I could hear what my unconscious mind was trying to tell me, and face it head on.  Due to these obsessions, I signed up for Comparative Religion classes, trying to understand how the world and the collective unconscious worked.

His personal experience, and how he went about confronting it, is extremely familiar to me.  My fantasy series (my life's work) is a platform through which I am expressing the views I developed at that time, about how dictators rise to power, how brainwashing works in society, how power corrupts, and how to face the demons within oneself in order to align with our cosmic purpose.

Thanks for these posts. I am still not entirely sure of my type since I haven't been visually confirmed, but I did enjoy this thread.