NeFi, what is it like to be you?

Okay, so I wasn't logged in when I wrote the above comments ↑. . .blah. Oh, well.

Sorry about the weird spacing above! I wrote this out first in Word and then cut and paste it here. It looks like I am trying to write everything as if it were poetry. lol. Perhaps one should read it accompanied by bongo drums.

Hello Erifrail, thanks for the interest.

Learning anything that interests me is the thing that interests me most. What a strange statement that is. The things that get me most passionate are typically related to talking or thinking about positive socio-economic change and education reform. Not that i necessarily have anything good to offer to either of those and in fact i usually keep these to myself, but it is something that can set a fire burning in me, it is what i dream about. I also really enjoy just about any kind of science. Among my friends i am the guy that always has an answer to any question either because i had already become curious myself or as just some random thing i know. If i don't know the answer i will find it and share it with my friends because discussing and sharing of this information is incredibly entertaining to me. I love to help others learn more than i like to learn myself. My learning tends to be from the bits and pieces that i find interesting and relevant, which is the stuff that sticks. So explaining the concepts to someone else solidifies all of it in my own mind and i feel helpful at the same time. More importantly than answering questions though is asking them. I love to ask thought provoking questions often in front of the class typically for two reasons. One is my own curiosity but i often have a good feeling that i know the answer. The other is with the hope that the question will help others in class think about the topics differently hopefully improving class wide comprehension.

I don't know if you would call my sense of humor refined but i do find a lot of things funny, I'm actually quite easy to make laugh so long as i don't have a moral issue with the situation. Actually now that i think of it this is making me think of one time in gym class in high school. The teacher acted a bit like a drill Sergent or at least that was his reputation. I hated gym class as i never really saw a point in sports and the like. But he seemed like a nice guy so whatever, anyway the joke! So in class we are all sitting around him in a circle and he's giving a bit of a motivational speech or some such nonsense. And all of a sudden he says that us teenage boys are "strong like ox, smart like street-car". I was hysterical i just couldn't contain myself, i thought it was so funny. I was the only one laughing. I actually cant help my smile right now thinking about it.

As far as my creative process typically goes i tend to like making functional stuff by eye. By that i mean not full out engineering something but jury-rigging it. For example like making a sign for work out of old shelf hangers and the like. Basically anytime i get a chance to think up a way of using something practically for a purpose other than what it was designed. As far as my own humor is concerned it is always situational. It almost always comes about from a silly misinterpretation that i realize is silly after i understand the truth. Or sometimes a deliberate reinterpretation under a sillier light. For example i once got into a really long line up to a convention that wasn't open yet which 10 minutes later grew to twice it's size and so out loud in a dead-pan way i said "well at least we're half way through the line now."

I've encountered challenges relating to other people since i was a child. I was a very shy and emotional kid who didn't understand others well. I also had issues with becoming consumed by an intense interest in video games quite young. Which definitely didn't help me relate. Even back then i was curious and liked to learn but i hated school. Others would make fun of me calling me stupid and such. And labels such as adhd and learning disabled just felt like proof that it was true. Don't get me wrong when i was a child i had troubles with my emotions. And so reinterpretations on my feeling towards people and what i thought were their's toward me made me very unpredictable to be around. I'm sure there we're times where i was completely unjustifiably mean. Whether i was sometimes mean because that's how i was treated or whether i was treated that way because i was mean i don't know. It typically does matter what other people think of me but really it just boils down to if i have unintentionally hurt somebodies feelings. Otherwise i use my own compass to determine my self worth.

My one piece of advice is to never give up hope that the world can be a better place for our children than it has been for us. But hope isn't all it takes, it takes becoming educated about the truth of what we can change. And letting that idea fester within yourself so that one day we can stand united in it and truly change the world.



The video up above really speaks to my heart about the truth of humanities potential it is two hours and forty minutes long so if you decide to watch it there might be a lot to digest.

Sincerely; Chris

I am not sure if I am a NeFi, but I am more certain that I use those pair of functions (NeSi,FiTe) and that I'm a P-lead, at least conceptually (but also visually).

I'm finding really hard to answer the first question, which I think it's the most important of all of those. Maybe some other would trigger some reflection and hence something relevant like the last one. I think I am passionate about knowing every bit of who I am. I know I'm changing and that I have changed and I also know I am multifaceted and this heavily influences my sense of identity. It's really hard for me to define me because I think of all of the parts of me that I am disregarding in the process, but I also dislike not being defined, maybe because I put a lot of value in it, but I think it is a humane need. A need for identification. I also like music, personality typology theories (like the enneagram or MBTI), maths (specially algebra, calculus and statistics), board games, anime ... The other day I was talking with a friend about how interesting everything is. I said to her that I always answer yes to the questions in personality tests such as 'Are you attracted to....?'. Museums, concerts, even clubbing. Everything is appealing. Maybe I'm not discerning it enough. Not maybe. I know I am not. So I wish I could live more passionately.

My dreams? I want to make music. I want to live in Japan for a year or so. I also want to learn more impractical things. Yes, I don't want to put them in practice. Well, just unexpectedly. 'Someone here knows how to make crème brûlée?' (raises hand) 'Me. Incredibly, I know how to do a very delicious one.' (listening to an italian song in the radio, for some reason) 'Wow! I understand the lyrics'. I also want to be constantly moving. I don't really think about relationships too much, but I know having a diverse collection of acquaintances is fruitful. You get immersed in diverse ambiances. Well, I'm failing at that. I know I won't take care of those relationships. I'm not good at taking care of things. Well, just the things that really matter to me. Not to say that is the reason why I am failing. I'm a little bit antisocial, even if I fantasize with relationships, belonging to groups and such. Even recognition. Sharing experiences. Remembering the old days. Personal jokes. Anecdotic conversations. Second family. Escaping from mundanity. Us vs the world. Getting lost. Introspective journeys. Camping, road trips. Finding a place where we can finally be alone. Our territory. Our secret base. A refuge. A sanctuary. A waterfall. Swimming naked. Pictures never revealed. Countless hours of leisure. Just the company. A clash of universes. Still separated. But mutual trust. A gang. Sewers. Impriting ourselves into each other. Chill. Dancing, drinking, smoking pot. A whole new world... Too much influence from TV and films. \ It's in my plans to live alone. I don't dislike it. I only will have one half of the picture. But I'm young. I will find my pack someday. These are just ideas. I'm not the planner kind of guy. But I recognize that going with the flow does not work because I got caught in a rut of boredom. I'm eternally bored. Something needs to change. I have been feeling this for years now. Well, this is just blabble.

I have a fairly decent idea of how others see me. Actually of how I think others see me. Some of this is factual. Some people see me as easy-going and leisurely. That I lack any kind of obligation. Just chilling. Wasting my time doing nothing. Some others see me as a serious guy. Not friendly. Unapproachable. Awkward in intimate scenarios. Reserved. Doors closed. Antisocial. I think others see me as a boring person. Some others probably see that I live in my world. I think I'm emotionally independent and I think people see this often. Everyone's having a good time. Here comes the downer. No reason to be noticeably joyful. Well, I'm going to show them how happy I am. (jumps like rabbit in the meadow or follows the rhythm of the music in my headphones) No one's cmplaining. Making frowns. Being in the middle of an argument. Supports the underdog. Applause. Not. Maybe some others see my quirky or wacky side. I think due to my size that I'm noticeable. I'm big like a bear. Well, kind of. Sometimes I don't like it. Sometimes I don't care. Do I really don't care? Well, I care if others see this individuality. If others see this peculiarity. Sometimes I doubt it. Feeling common or average. Just protecting an ego, why not? ntntnt I don't feel like advertising how few fucks I give. I detest the trend of 'They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they are all the same' and 'Be yourself' propaganda blahblahblah... If you truly feel that way, there's no need to make it sound and clear. It's suspicious. Trying so hardly to convince yourself. Some people see the exaggerated goofy expression. Some people see the embittered deadpan. Just a few see it all, like me. To reconcile such battle! I dislike when others disregard others' subjectivity, but I'm pretty intolerant myself. I dislike when others are so judgmental, but I'm pretty critical myself. I dislike when others treat others with superiority, but I can be arrogant sometimes. You cannot dislike in others what you don't dislike in yourself. It's true. It makes sense at least. Always bragging about how full of acceptance we are. It's humane to dislike some things. I have always disliked arguments. What for? What is right? What is wrong? Everything's so subjective. It's all matter of conviction.

I wrote everything as I think it. By pieces. Each point is an expression of emphasis. Or pause. It wasn't really my intention to be so cryptical maybe or to be carried away. Maybe in a few hours I wouldn't find this as relatable as I felt it when I wrote it down. Maybe I'll see things with a more optimistic twist. Or maybe a more fatalistic one. Or maybe a more sensible one. Or a wiser one. Or a levelheaded one. A more rational one. Or I will see what I forgot to mention. There's too much to say. Diatribes.

I also love explaining things and I learn better if I do it. Maybe because I have it all in my head but I cannot simplify it and explaining it to others or thinking out loud helps me to clear my mind of all the clutter that populates it. To organize my thoughts. I also notice mistakes quickly (e.g. in math exercises or when I am programming). It also happens that, if something enthralls me, I behave differently. I become focused on accomplishing the task. I plan and I do. Without any distraction. I cut the chase. I move. My pace is quick.

I also think I do not take a lot of risks or accept a lot of challenges or put a lot of effort into things. I tend to process everything in the moment, like when I'm answering a test. I do not learn a lot of formulas because I perform more naturally when I deduce them in the moment. That's why it's important for me to understand things from their foundations, to make things consistent to previous concepts and that's why I do not panic if I face a new situation, because I can come up with an answer more quickly (just in the areas I understand from the core, like maths). Despite this talent, I lack the ability to be mechanical. To come up with fast solutions to problems that are so common that could be easily solved with formulas or already proven methods. It happens pretty often and that's my weakness. I need to stop being so restless. That's why I do not consider myself outstandingly smart but I think I have the potential. I am one-upped in many situations by those who don't waste a lot of time trying to understand things from the core every time they stumble on a similar problem and maybe they see a bigger picture from a practical standpoint. They advance more quickly. The have more checkpoints (like in a videogame). I easily get lost in the maze inside of my head. I drown in this sea of data.

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    I think I relate to you when you say that sometimes you understand something but you cannot explain it, because you don't have the details to back it up and you end up like a fool or without sharing your insights. The other day our friends and me were talking about God. My beliefs in that matter are not easy to explain like saying I believe in God or not and when I tried to do it (just like everything, starting from the basic concepts, from zero, like if there were no saved files in my system), I was quickly shunned and told that God was an invention of man and it doesn't exist and, even if I slightly agree, I wanted to talk about what I think God is and how are my stances on it. That, for me, there are two realms of thought and that God exists in one of them as a symbol or concept and I acknowledge its value, but also my lack of knowledge to transfer it into the rational realm of thought. I still feel unconvinced. Consider everything is the path for absoluteness, even if I doubt of its existence and still I idealize it and try maybe naively to find it, but it's also the path for confusion, lack of guidance, uncertainty, undying open-endedness. Maybe it's the only way I will ensure myself that I will never stop looking for answers. My mindset is constantly evolving. Absorbing the most my brain can and more. I play devil's advocate with my beliefs. What if. What if! I don't feel I'm made for arguing. I don't feel ready, I guess.

I haven't been VR'd by y'all CT folks as an NeFi, but I've been at this cognitive typing thing for a bit now and am confident that is in fact my type. (Who knows? My lazy arse may put together a "type me" video yet.) In any case, I won't say much. For one reason, I have reason to believe that that enneagram nonsense may distort some of the things we think of as "typical" to cognitive types. Another reason? I'm just too lazy, and as some of the earlier posters have gotten at, I change my mind about a thing pretty much as soon as it's left my mind.

I feel like something that moves through the world. A way of looking at things. A way of digesting information and responding to it in unreal time. I know a thing and act upon long before I can put it into words (though I would welcome an audience interested in hearing my stutter-start, springboard, slip-and-slide try). I happen to where I am, and dammit if where doesn't happen to me.

And then I'm somewhere else. Out of sight. Out of mind.