Post by A on Jun 27, 2013 20:54:43 GMT -5
Hey guys. I know we already have one of these going for Fi/Te, but I figured I'd add an Fe/Ti one, as, by traditional cognitive functions, I shouldn't be Fe, despite the fact I obviously am. So here are my personal bones to pick with stereotypes. Note that these are just my personal experiences, and not representative of Fe's as whole. Feel free to add your own, as I'm sure other Fe's have their own differences from common opinion. I like to think of it more as a flavor than a complete personality. I am Fe, but I'm also a human, which means I'm not quite that simple.
1. F's are dumb (I've heard this about Fes and Fis, but mostly Fes)- I was the smartest kid in my high school, I was a National Merit Finalist (one of the first from my high school) and I go to an Ivy League school where I'm double majoring in physics and chemistry AND getting my master's in four years plus I'm doing pretty well at it. I grasp concepts with ease and am often two or three steps ahead of my teachers and large chunks of my classmates. This bias is something I've found in real life as well as on the internet, as most people are shocked when I start talking about a subject I know very well, which are neither stereotypically feminine nor Fe, and are astounded when they find out I'm actually really, really good at math. No, I don't study English, History or Art. I am science major and proud of it. It was sort of amusing the first few times but having to demonstrate that I actually do have a brain gets old fast. It is possible to be both nice and smart. I'm sure there are also some dumb T's out there. And I'm sure there are some really smart ones. It's a cognitive function, it's not IQ. Seriously. This one's just stupid.
NOTE: I don't think I've ever seen this stated openly, but I've often read it as implied, particularly when people wax poetic about how intelligent T types are. No, being T doesn't make you a genius any more than being F makes me a master politician.
2. And on the other end: F's are charismatic/people-smart/empathetic...-This was what tripped me up the most about Fe's. I can't read people's minds. No, seriously. I know it may come as a shock to some of you, but Fe isn't a super-power. I can't read expressions or inflections or body language unless it's someone I know very well, or a rare instance someone has the same tells as I do. Even with people I DO know very well, it's hit or miss. And I don't always know what people want to see or how I should act or what will bother people. My EQ is actually substantially lower than my IQ and always has been, a difference that's probably been magnified by where I chose to turn my energies. When I can guess what someone's thinking or going to do, I get there the same way as everyone else. I look at their actions and use deductive reasoning to try and figure out what they probably want. I have found I'm getting better at understanding people as I mature (doesn't everybody?) but my Fe certainly does not manifest itself in instantaneous charisma and, just as I'm sure there are plenty of Fs who are smarter than Ts, there are probably plenty of Ts who have better traditional "people skills" than I do.
3. Fe's are dependent/relation-ship oriented...- Uh, no. Seriously, just no. An Fe is as capable of being independent as any other type. Emoting around you all the time is exhausting! I need my space. And no, I don't care if you don't like me if I don't know or care about you. I have friends, I don't need to make new ones. No, I don't get lonely living alone, I like the quiet. And yes, I am extremely ambitious. I may not tell people I'm ambitious per say, but I have goals and they take the priority over my relationships. I will stand by my close friends, but part of friendship is I expect them to realize that sometimes I need to lock myself away from the world and just work. I respect their needs, they should respect mine. All of my few romantic relationships ended, in fact, because I was too independent and detached and just needed more space (both physical and emotional) than the other person was willing to give me. I do just fine on my own and I don't need others around to feel happy and fulfilled.
I also really don't do groups. I have my friends, and I like my friends, but I'm not someone whose particularly comfortable in a room full of people. I much prefer small groups and, if dropped in a large crowd, will either form a group around me or go off on my own. I also don't particularly care for working in groups, as I find I end up doing all the work (a common Fe experience, I'd imagine) and, if I am in a group, actually PREFER to do all the work this way I know it's being done right. I also prefer to take the lead, and generally have little trouble doing so, as I'm willing and able to organize and coordinate everyone's activities to make sure we have it all covered.
4. Fe's are comfortable with emotion/touchy-feely...- Now this may seem to run counter to the very idea of being Fe, but strong negative emotions make me highly uncomfortable. I typically suppress them beneath a veil of positivity as I don't see the sense in dwelling on them and making more work for myself. I don't even admit to myself many of my vulnerabilities, I'm certainly not about to go trumpeting them to the world. Also, I don't like mushy-gooey emotional talk. It's obviously fake and contrived. Don't tell me you love me, show me. Do something nice for me, prove that you know me, that you've listened to all my senseless rambling. That's how I show I love you, can't you see it? And don't hug me unless I know you. I don't particularly enjoy touching or being touched, so please let me have my personal bubble.
5. Fe's are insecure- This one I've heard much more about Fe than Fi and I do think it's something unhealthy or immature Fe's might display. But, I personally am very self-confident, perhaps over-confident. I don't need anyone's approval and I'm not about to change who I am to win others over. I like me. The rest of you can either like me too or let me be. Don't bother me and I won't bother you, okay? (And this isn't just me. I'm fairly sure my mom also leads with Fe and she is one of the most secure people I know. Her quote (to our gardener): "I'm not looking for friends. Now go do what I'm paying you to do.")
Anyway, those are my personal Fe stereotypes that drive me nuts (including some things that in classic MBTI that are essential to be Fe) but, to me, that's not what Fe is. It's a warmth, a genuine caring for others, a happiness and energy. It means I can start up, and carry, a conversation with pretty much anyone, that some people will instinctively be drawn to me (not everyone, or even most people, and it may be mostly because I'm a young female with no obvious, extreme physical defects but it's still something I've noticed), that I am often practically overflowing with energy, that I do want to help. So, how do you express Fe or Ti? (I have no personal bones to pick with Ti at the moment, as it's not as often caricatured as Fe, in my opinion.) And how are the stereotypes wrong for you?
1. F's are dumb (I've heard this about Fes and Fis, but mostly Fes)- I was the smartest kid in my high school, I was a National Merit Finalist (one of the first from my high school) and I go to an Ivy League school where I'm double majoring in physics and chemistry AND getting my master's in four years plus I'm doing pretty well at it. I grasp concepts with ease and am often two or three steps ahead of my teachers and large chunks of my classmates. This bias is something I've found in real life as well as on the internet, as most people are shocked when I start talking about a subject I know very well, which are neither stereotypically feminine nor Fe, and are astounded when they find out I'm actually really, really good at math. No, I don't study English, History or Art. I am science major and proud of it. It was sort of amusing the first few times but having to demonstrate that I actually do have a brain gets old fast. It is possible to be both nice and smart. I'm sure there are also some dumb T's out there. And I'm sure there are some really smart ones. It's a cognitive function, it's not IQ. Seriously. This one's just stupid.
NOTE: I don't think I've ever seen this stated openly, but I've often read it as implied, particularly when people wax poetic about how intelligent T types are. No, being T doesn't make you a genius any more than being F makes me a master politician.
2. And on the other end: F's are charismatic/people-smart/empathetic...-This was what tripped me up the most about Fe's. I can't read people's minds. No, seriously. I know it may come as a shock to some of you, but Fe isn't a super-power. I can't read expressions or inflections or body language unless it's someone I know very well, or a rare instance someone has the same tells as I do. Even with people I DO know very well, it's hit or miss. And I don't always know what people want to see or how I should act or what will bother people. My EQ is actually substantially lower than my IQ and always has been, a difference that's probably been magnified by where I chose to turn my energies. When I can guess what someone's thinking or going to do, I get there the same way as everyone else. I look at their actions and use deductive reasoning to try and figure out what they probably want. I have found I'm getting better at understanding people as I mature (doesn't everybody?) but my Fe certainly does not manifest itself in instantaneous charisma and, just as I'm sure there are plenty of Fs who are smarter than Ts, there are probably plenty of Ts who have better traditional "people skills" than I do.
3. Fe's are dependent/relation-ship oriented...- Uh, no. Seriously, just no. An Fe is as capable of being independent as any other type. Emoting around you all the time is exhausting! I need my space. And no, I don't care if you don't like me if I don't know or care about you. I have friends, I don't need to make new ones. No, I don't get lonely living alone, I like the quiet. And yes, I am extremely ambitious. I may not tell people I'm ambitious per say, but I have goals and they take the priority over my relationships. I will stand by my close friends, but part of friendship is I expect them to realize that sometimes I need to lock myself away from the world and just work. I respect their needs, they should respect mine. All of my few romantic relationships ended, in fact, because I was too independent and detached and just needed more space (both physical and emotional) than the other person was willing to give me. I do just fine on my own and I don't need others around to feel happy and fulfilled.
I also really don't do groups. I have my friends, and I like my friends, but I'm not someone whose particularly comfortable in a room full of people. I much prefer small groups and, if dropped in a large crowd, will either form a group around me or go off on my own. I also don't particularly care for working in groups, as I find I end up doing all the work (a common Fe experience, I'd imagine) and, if I am in a group, actually PREFER to do all the work this way I know it's being done right. I also prefer to take the lead, and generally have little trouble doing so, as I'm willing and able to organize and coordinate everyone's activities to make sure we have it all covered.
4. Fe's are comfortable with emotion/touchy-feely...- Now this may seem to run counter to the very idea of being Fe, but strong negative emotions make me highly uncomfortable. I typically suppress them beneath a veil of positivity as I don't see the sense in dwelling on them and making more work for myself. I don't even admit to myself many of my vulnerabilities, I'm certainly not about to go trumpeting them to the world. Also, I don't like mushy-gooey emotional talk. It's obviously fake and contrived. Don't tell me you love me, show me. Do something nice for me, prove that you know me, that you've listened to all my senseless rambling. That's how I show I love you, can't you see it? And don't hug me unless I know you. I don't particularly enjoy touching or being touched, so please let me have my personal bubble.
5. Fe's are insecure- This one I've heard much more about Fe than Fi and I do think it's something unhealthy or immature Fe's might display. But, I personally am very self-confident, perhaps over-confident. I don't need anyone's approval and I'm not about to change who I am to win others over. I like me. The rest of you can either like me too or let me be. Don't bother me and I won't bother you, okay? (And this isn't just me. I'm fairly sure my mom also leads with Fe and she is one of the most secure people I know. Her quote (to our gardener): "I'm not looking for friends. Now go do what I'm paying you to do.")
Anyway, those are my personal Fe stereotypes that drive me nuts (including some things that in classic MBTI that are essential to be Fe) but, to me, that's not what Fe is. It's a warmth, a genuine caring for others, a happiness and energy. It means I can start up, and carry, a conversation with pretty much anyone, that some people will instinctively be drawn to me (not everyone, or even most people, and it may be mostly because I'm a young female with no obvious, extreme physical defects but it's still something I've noticed), that I am often practically overflowing with energy, that I do want to help. So, how do you express Fe or Ti? (I have no personal bones to pick with Ti at the moment, as it's not as often caricatured as Fe, in my opinion.) And how are the stereotypes wrong for you?
And I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not. I do love physics, and am pretty good at it, but I use a lot more math than a typical physics major would (to compensate for not memorizing much) and am equally good at both. I think it probably depends on the person, but I'd be interesting in hearing everyone else's take.
