ChilledToZero - Type Video

Hey all, I wanted to share some thoughts regarding my cognitive functions.
I hope i can raise some interesting questions for you all.
I will try and keep the information terse, and you can draw your own conclusions, i am excited to hear what you have to say!

First off, I consider the cognitive functions cloest to myself to resemble that of an ENFP but have seriously considered the possibility of INTJ and what wisdom and perspective I can derive from many people believeing I use entirely different axis'
Those being Ne-Si & Ni-Se...

I agree with anyone who assessed me as Fi>Te (Or at least that those are tertiary and aux)
In this regard, I know my experience better than anyone outside of my mind, and can say with complete certainty that Te is my tool/motivating function.
It's not a world I can live in naturally without being healthy, and even then I have to use a large amount of focus, whereas I am 20 now and during my teen years I was an Enneagram 1 disintegrated to 4.
As well as the usual difficulties a young person needs to overcome to become healthy, i believe another factor of my unhappiness was an inability to 'will something' into existence
I had the ability to see the possiblities of the future, but i lacked the double edged sword of Superego that Enneagram One's benefit and suffer from.
I think that development was strongly in favour of an argument of Fi>Te
Getting out of lesser-checked emotion into more efficiency and problem solving ability.

With that aside, I believe that it's possible i use both axis mentioned earlier, now hear me out :pray:
Vultologically speaking, I definitely agree with an assessment of Fi Subtype - INTJ.
And as Collo#9473 Said, definitely hormonally challenged :sweat_smile: (that was savage, and people still bring that up as recently as yesterday lol)

I've found that recently I've developed a interesting ability to understand and if I desire to, use what would be my polar functions (ENFP especially) much better than others my age, by FAR
And i surround myself with intelligent people who genuinely interest me, and I sometimes find I can run circles around them in my versatility in being able to communicate with almost anyone and speak to them on a level they really
resonate with.
Now this isn't me saying I'm a special snowflake or anything, because this is rather double edged also.
Finding it difficult to communiucate with others in what i would consider 'my' language, that being something unaltered or changed for the targeted understanding of who i'm talking to.
Others finding it difficult to understand my streams of thoughts from my unconscious, I believe that since these conclusions are attached to what's happening in nature, it must be the way I state it and/or alterations made
on what would be the Se/Te Purity if you will...

Whether an ability, or simply the way i am wired it has made it very easy for me to create personal change, but also has left me with a Jack of All trades feeling, sometimes looking at others and seeing their specialty in a certain
function whereas my specialty seems to be in what i understand to be an Ne-Fi combination, creating very spontaneous jokes/conversational manipulation with some aesthetic Te snap occasionaly.

This leads in to where I see the possibility of a dual axis:
I think every other function works with the main Ne>Fi pair, adding colour and different uses to it, i do recieve subconscious insights sometimes, and I can see what is real (Se?) but it isn't my happy place
Another theory i have that may back this up is that i believe i have a triple function loop.
When outside, at a small house party etc. I find a pattern repeated, Very in my head, with the environment at say, 30-50% intensity
I am considering the possiblilities of the room, in how i can seek comfort, but i don't feel confident about this new situation (less-developed Si)
This is the first switch, I know feel intimidated by the environment slightly, feeling a lack of desire to be where i am, but no desire to be elsewhere either, with an intense focus on bodily sensations, anything slightly wrong
becomes magnified, (eg. the coffee i'm drinking might make me feel weird for no reason)
When in this state the envinoment increases in the intensity of how it comes accross to me, feeling like it's all coming in and i have to pick what's good and bad. (even in relaxed environments)
Then I consciously make a decision that i'm overthinking this and getting frustrated and losing energy because of it fast.
This is where the environment becomes what i would call 100%, with all thoughts leaving my conscious mind, and bodily sensations becoming unnoticeable other than where i am sat for example.
In this state i am highly attentive to what's going on in the environment, almost as a slightly smiling observer, although i still may feel uncomfortable, i will notice any smells in the air, and especially the aesthetics and physical
distance between objects in the room and what they all represent, both their sentimentality and their function.
Rather timid in this state, as soon as i see something i don't like, or find myself increasingly bored, the thoughts rise to my consciousness slowly, and I notice myself instead focusing on articulaing and building a mental map of the
possiblities of the room in a removed and abstract manner, taking note of everyone's relational distance (how they view each-other and what i think of them etc.)
With the envronment much quieter in nature again, as if watching it through a monitor with the complexity of the sound slightly reduced, i am not particularly aware of my body until i am reminded (Si)

This cycle will repeat multiple times, with and without people, wherever I go and seemingly no matter what I do, it makes me not want to leave, as i feel like an alien who is but isn't a part of it, while being highly drained in the
process.

I hope this all wasn't too much text...
Your thoughts would be INVALUABLE to me and I hope that i can provide you some insights into the way i think.
If you have any ideas on how to break the cycle, and/or if you agree that looping between different axis is possible, i would like to hear your thoughts!